From Fitting In to Leading the Way: Stretching the FGP Comfort Zone

Leading is about guiding and enabling the work of others, and people are complex.

Shifting from individual contributor to leader is a major transition, and one that comes with many changes. It will mean shifting how and where to best leverage the leader’s time and energy in getting work done through others and taking accountability for combined results. It also means new relationships and interactions. New leaders adapting to the role often quickly discover that leading people can be much harder than managing the work.

Individuals, including leaders, bring diverse backgrounds, experiences, styles, personalities, strengths, and challenges to the workplace. All of these translate into preferences for how we communicate, how we learn, how we work, and how we interpret and engage with the world around us. How leaders interact with team members, peers, or superiors can build or damage relationships, increase or decrease motivation and productivity, and impact results. 

The tried-and-true advice given to those stepping into their first leadership role is still valid, but there are likely to be nuances to that advice for first-generation leaders.

Being thoughtful about their leadership identity has more implications for FGPs.

One common piece of advice is to begin with self and the type of leader they aspire to be. Defining what they want to be known for as a leader, and then projecting that leadership identity to others can be especially challenging for FGPs who have focused more on fitting in and downplaying their differences. 

Leadership identity begins developing as soon as someone steps into the role, whether they are aware and intentional about it or not. Every behavior and action—what they say, how they act, what they measure or prioritize—is visible and contributes to how others see them as a leader. 

Creating a leadership identity will mean increasing self-awareness, acknowledging strengths and weaknesses, being open to change, stepping outside of comfort zones, and practicing new behaviors. This doesn’t mean changing who they are, but finding coherence between their authentic selves and the role they now have as a leader can have even more implications for FGPs. ¹

One FGP spoke to Baem about that identity struggle. For me growing up, assertive was seen as not a good quality. How do you be assertive? Because that's a quality that people look for. Oh, you have heard before… “Oh, this person's awesome. Because she can take your lunch.”  How do you coach someone like, “Hey, in order to advance, these are some of the things that you need to improve upon”? Like being assertive and solid. How do you talk about it from a business landscape? What does that look like? And how do you find an attentive way to do that to where [it] doesn't feel so uncomfortable…?   

Building relationships and community requires a degree of openness and sharing that may feel uncomfortable at first.

Getting the work done is important but so is getting to know the people. Too often, new leaders bypass the fundamentals of relationship building—partly because of their eagerness to demonstrate capability and produce results, and partly because the “people stuff” can feel uncomfortable and messy. But work gets done largely through people and relationships.

For FGPs, getting to know their people and letting their people know them in return requires a level of openness that can feel especially risky.

What and how much should I share with others? How could knowing more about my family, ethnicity, education, or work experience impact how others see me as a leader? Will it influence how they judge my readiness and qualifications for this role? Will they accept me? ²

New leaders are told to take some basic first steps in building relationships with direct reports.

• Be interested in others’ lives. Life outside of the workplace is tightly woven into who people are and how they operate, and it comes to work with them each day. Be curious and learn more about their goals, aspirations, and priorities.³
• Create space for conversations. That means being visible and accessible. Spend time in team members’ workspaces but also “leave the door open” in a way that invites others to engage with the leader.
• Pay attention to personalities and communication styles. People not only communicate differently, but they also perceive and listen differently. Being attentive to differences and adapting can mean the difference between clarity and misunderstanding.

Relationship building requires reciprocity. When we show interest, have conversations, and reveal personalities and preferences, there’s an expectation that others will share something about themselves in return. I trust you enough to tell you this about myself. What can you share with me?   

For FGPs, the decision of when and what to share about themselves in return comes with greater complexity and potential impact. Closing the door and sharing nothing also gets interpreted, potentially negatively. 

Employers: What leadership qualities and attributes are valued most in your business culture? Are you making the age-old mistake of describing and measuring “A” but actually rewarding “B”?  

First-Generation Professionals: Maintaining a leadership identity that is not authentic for you is exhausting and unsustainable. How will you reconcile those differences with the leader you aspire to be?

Resources

1

Reach: A New Strategy to Help You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Rise to the Challenge and Build Confidence. Andy Molinsky. Avery. January 24, 2017.

2

"Leading from Experience: 5 Essential Behaviors for First Generation Professional Leaders." FGPM. Molly Madonia. May 19, 2023. https://www.fgpm.org/library/5-fgl-skills

3

"Leading as a First-Time, First-Generation Manager." Harvard Business Review. Kela Lester. October 21, 2022. https://hbr.org/2022/10/leading-as-a-first-time-first-generation-manager